My dear sister in spirit Mary,
What a challenging time and adventure you have been on. My prayers and love and the prayers and love of many have been with you. We are joy filled that you are home again and resting. There is much yet to be done and our journey continues.
Your story reminds me of a time I experienced back in the mid 70’s. I was still in the Navy. It was a weekend, and my barracks roommates were out and about for quite a few hours. During the day I became quite sick to my stomach, not vomiting but with horrible cramps so great that I could not walk, neither could I go to the duty desk to get help. I felt completely incapacitated and helpless. All I could do was crawl into my bed and curl up in a ball in extreme pain. I could not even cry out. I do not remember how long I was this way, but eventually fell asleep, I am guessing out of complete exhaustion. What followed was the most amazing of dreams yet it was a dream that took me to the brink of madness. You see, in this dream I remembered experiences before this life, before this world even. I remembered being in a state of being where a single thought could transport us to any point in the universe. A place where I saw and experienced souls I knew, souls that had known before and souls that I would someday know. But I saw them and experienced them as the most beautiful of lights. I knew them but did not know them. A rapidly changing panorama of experiences flowed all about me and through me. Dream upon dream. Moment upon moment all happening as at once. No time. No space. No judgement. Just light and love.
The madness? Well that came when I awoke. It was some hours later I think. My roommates had returned and all had thought I was just sleeping. The confusion of my mind was great however but I could not speak of what I had experience for a very long time and then only to those kindred souls I knew would not judge. You see, when I awoke I awoke not with the usual symbols of dreams dreamt in the night that the conscious mind creates, but with a full consciousness and awareness of the dream itself. No time, no space only an infinite now and it was, for a time, too much for my conscious mind to bare, as it had no reference by which to make associations, and that is what nearly led me to madness.
I kept my experience to myself for quite some time, many years. However I learned to not immerse conscious mind into too much thought about it, only allowing it to exist deep in recesses of my soul. In time I came to understand and to be able to view it in small ways with conscious mind. But there was a time when I could not understand. Now it is all so clear and natural.
Sometimes the challenges we face exist to teach us lessons and to help us to release. But sometimes they are there to open doors and encourage us strongly to walk through into new and higher ways of being. I see now that you have passed through a great portal for your own consciousness. What awaits is not an ending but a new beginning. Part of you died in a way, so that a greater you could be born. The most exciting adventures await.
Our journey and our work continues.
Love, joy, peace and adventure.