(Concluded from Part 1, above.)
Another thing was downright spooky. My body feels different. In subtle ways. Sometimes, for brief moments, I feel like I’m totally in control of every inch of my body, every muscle and organ.
At those moments I walk taller than I usually do and feel as if my present body is too small. And then the feeling fades away.
That’s a level of consciousness that hasn’t been available to me before.
At other times, I feel incredibly younger – by decades. I feel … not quite athletic, but fit.
For instance, I just walked up a long hill and I was as relaxed when I ended as when I started. In the past I haven’t looked forward to hills because I usually get winded. Not now. When did all this happen? Where was I?
This inner sensation of fitness doesn’t necessarily match my exterior – in some ways I look younger and fitter and in some ways definitely not.
At other times, I notice how happy I feel, sometimes blissful, and I connect with the fact that it’s my natural state – nothing to feel ashamed of or protective about. (1) These moments of bliss are also fleeting.
I’ve experienced a lot of disapproval throughout my life for being myself – a trait I share with the mathematician, apparently. My university work was rejected. My articles were also rejected after university, when I worked at the Museum, by the very vested interests they threatened. I guess that was to be expected.
Now I watch myself being like an octopus in this area – skittering away in an inky cloud at the least sign of disapproval or ridicule. Into happiness, out of happiness, into, out of, definitely shaky and defensive in the area of happiness.
The mathematician’s theories also weren’t gladly accepted; he found himself embroiled in controversy, Archangel Michael tells me.
There are self-esteem issues there, but, you know what? I don’t really care any more. I feel on stable ground and have less and less affinity with my drama.
I give my drama, my InnerNetFlix to the Mother to use as reruns in some distant universe. … Or drop in the nearest receptacle, as she wishes. I learned what I needed from it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all my comrades-in-arms, in whose dramas I too figured.
Everything that’s happening right now is new to me. I haven’t been this way before.
Up till now, I’ve had no past-life recollections. And I certainly would not have called myself fit or awake enough to report for duty. Or finished with my drama.
Something is unfolding.
(1) The need for a little circumspection, perhaps, to “pass” in our society.